The invisible man

Its a familiar sight around the streets of Dublin theses days,a nuisance to most as you make your way through a busy day only to be confronted by some ragged dirty person with the neck to ask you for some spare change.How can somebody be so down and out on their luck?What could they have possibly done that was so bad their family and friends turned their backs and closed doors for what they did.I'm no different to most people that encounter these 'bums','I'm in a rush to get somewhere','I'll get you on the way back',how dare they ask me for money and have me avoid eye contact as I pretend not to hear them? Well I was like that until out of curiosity I decided to spend some time with them to see their side of the story,a decision that completely changed my opinion and raised questions about myself as a person.


The first time I went and did a 'homeless run' I was about 23.I filled the car up with sandwiches and whiskey and drove into the city one cold Christmas morning.The plan was to give them a few sandwiches,a glass of whiskey,heat them up in the car for a few minutes and wish them a merry Christmas before moving on until the food and drink was gone.There were a lot of them out that morning but finding them was difficult enough.I searched alleyways and places I thought they may be and found 3 older men sitting on some steps at the back of an abandoned office block.I approached them with a bottle of whiskey and was welcomed in immediately.The sandwiches were not touched but still we talked and laughed for over an hour.Every Christmas there is a free dinner for homeless people in the RDS and they asked if I could give them a lift up which I did.Once in the car things became messy and two of them became violent towards each other and semi violent towards me,although alcohol induced it was not a very nice situation to be in.Upon arriving at the RDS it was a case of physically removing them from the car and as a result did not return to doing the homeless run for the next two years.

I don't know what made me return to doing it exactly but I decided to give it another go although I did have a big issue with giving drunks alcohol.Maybe the first guy I met doing it this time around was faith or maybe I was just being proved wrong but after inviting him into the car for a drink and to heat him up I witnessed one of the biggest acts of kindness I have ever seen.He sat in the back along with my sister,it was a freezing frosty Christmas morning and he explained to me his story of how he was a carpenter and how his brother in-law had been taking money from the business to gamble with.When things came to a head he owed a lot of money,he had been arguing with his wife more then ever and she sided with her brother.He was asked to leave the family home and after turning to alcohol lost everything in the short space of 6 months.Nobody knew he was homeless but nobody would gave cared.His eyes started to well up as he told his story and he turned to my sister to change the subject.'So was Santa good to you this year' he said,Sarah,my sister,replied listing all the gifts she had received.It was a lot of gifts by anyone's standards and she continued to say that Christmas day is also her birthday and with that the guy wished her a happy birthday.He put his hand in his pocket and took out 1 euro giving it to her and said don't go spending that on sweets,it was the nicest gesture I had ever witnessed.


As the weeks went on I wanted to do it more regularly so I start going out every Tuesday night and became familiar with the same old faces in the same old places and I learned a lot from these people.Some of the stories I heard from them where heartbreaking.I asked one guy why he spends the money he earns begging on alcohol because it was still bothering me that I was giving alcoholics drink and he very bluntly told me 'what the hell would you do if you were on the streets 7 days a week for 6 years ashamed of yourself and people passing by you as if you were a piece of scum'.Another guy only 2 weeks ago,who didn't drink and was just happy I had stopped to talk to him told me he had an interview as a kitchen porter in Galway two days previous.He begged until he had the 40 euro return bus fare and washed and shaved in Burger king before making his way down.Obviously he couldn't say in the interview that he is homeless so when the boss told him he would be in touch he had to make an excuse for not having a phone number or an address and memorize the fake email address he had given hoping it wasn't already in use and go back to Dublin and beg for an extra hour a day so he would have enough money to use the internet cafe.All the small details we never even take into consideration.

I could go on and on about the stories I have heard while talking to these people but its the past two weeks which inspired me to write this.The first case was a brief encounter with a man no younger then 65,he was a Russian, alone and walked very awkwardly with a crutch.Its always a gamble approaching people because it would be very embarrassing if they were not homeless at all which has happened unfortunately but this guy definitely was because as I passed him he was eating noodles from a bin.I pulled up beside him and produced a can of beer,his eyes lit up.He had dried blood under his nose which was clearly broken and he was struggling to walk.He explained to me that he had been attacked in his sleep by a group of Romanian gypsy's who in the process had broken his nose and his leg and stole his sleeping bag.His English was very limited but nonetheless you didn't need a lot to understand the pain he was in.


Just last night I came across a young man called Daniel,he's a traveller and 18 months off heroin.He was quick to point these things out to me as if to look for some sort of credit which I gave him but also to let me know from the start that he had no reason to lie to me about anything.I had already given him the 10 euro he needed for a hostel and also a bit of drink I had in the car along with a few plastic cups,he was very greatfull and said his friends would be delighted with him for sharing this with them.I spoke with him for the best part of 45 minutes and he was quick to tell me his story warts and all.Every sentence finished with 'no word of a lie,sure iv no reason ta lie to ya'.Daniel is from Navan in county Meath and has 6 brothers and 2 sisters all of which are on heroin.Although he is clean for the past 18 months after waking up beside a dead friend of his he can not return to Navan because he feels he will cave into his addiction.



In a very quick period of time he gave me a good look into his world.He could stay in a free hostel every night but there is sure to be a fight or he will get robbed.He can stay in a better hostel for 15 euro a night but ,well,its 15 euro a night.The story the Russian man told me about the Romanian Gypsy's turned out to be true,Daniel showed me a scar on his finger he received while defending himself against a blade and also a very large scar across his neck which he credits a neck warmer he had bought for saving his life.He still wears it.I asked him about friends on the street and he explained that he has got friends but chooses not to spend much time with them because when a man has nothing then anything becomes a greater luxury then friendship so even with your best friend you sleep with one eye open.

What happened next was the closest I could get to his world.In the 45 minutes I had been talking to him everytime somebody walked by he asked for spare change and not one person acknowledged him.I could see this hurt him and it never got any easier..He asked me before I left to do him a favor,he told me to sit down beside him for 5 minutes and ask passer-by's for spare change just to see if it would be different for me,I did and it wasn't.I sat there and there first thing that went through my mind was that I hoped nobody I knew would see me doing this.As people approached I asked for spare change and not one person even made eye contact with me,I had gone full circle from when I was the that person.Even though I was not homeless an awful sense of  shame,embarrassment and inadequacy swept over me,it was an immediate feeling.Straight away I felt that these people walking past me were better then me,I took his point on the chin and stood up.He shook my hand and told me his full name,Daniel Hand,and said to keep an eye out for him on my next run.


If there is one thing I have learnt from doing this the past few years it's that I can see why people walk past homeless people and why they have an issue with giving money to them if they are going to spend it on drink or crack or heroin but does it really matter what they spend it on? Once you do your good deed that's all that matters right? You may look at him begging and think within the hour he will be down a lane way shooting up or shoving coke up his nose but you may just find him buying a sandwich sitting looking at the ducks in Stephen's green.He could look at you as you brush passed him and think your just another big shot in your suit with no time for anybody in the world except yourself but you could be on your way to a job interview so stereotypes work both ways.The point is you could very well be right about what they use the money for but when i pulled up last night to Daniel he seen my BMW and thought I was the richest person in the world,i'm not a materialistic person but as I walked away from him I felt like I was.