I decided to travel down south to Wexford with a friend yesterday , our reasons for going where different but we would both end up doing the same thing anyway.I'm still out of work and what better way of spending a dull Tuesday then to head down for a few pints and a bit of sport.Iv been down quite a few times and lived there for 6 months a few years back but i love it there,I don't really know why, I just love it.This week is Cheltenham week,a week long horse racing festival.I don't know the first thing about this sport but I do have an impressive ability to surround myself with experts on this and not look too stupid.I always seem to say the right thing or start debates about the qualities of certain horses but I genuinely know absolutely nothing and tend to back horses by their name rather then form.
We sit around a table in the bar,its 1.15pm and 15 minutes before the start of the first race.There is a pile of betting slips and a glass full of pens beside us and the barman in frantically taken bets for the local bookies.I look around and all I see are men with there heads in the papers looking at form,making phonecalls and texting tips.I try to blend in but my way of backing horses is different.Previous great horses have legendary names such as Istabraq,Moscow flyer,Shergar ect and you can nearly hear their names shouted by the commentators as they near the finish line in your head so I look for names like those not horses called 'Will he finish' or 'Iv a pain in my balls', you will just never hear a commentator getting excited as Iv a pain in my balls clears the final fence.
Iv gone with a horse called Hurricane fly because shoulabeenaclown didn't gel with my delicate process of backing winners.Its about to start and the table turns to see who backed who,I tell them mine and throw in a random fact to throw them off the scent that I have no idea whats going on.'Hurricane fly better get off to a good start because he has never won when hes been 10th or more after two fences' I said,of course he hasn't there are only 9 horses in these races and this starts a debate about who's horse is better with fences.The bell sounds and the horses are off. I only know my horse by its number and as they approach the first fence disaster strikes,Hurrican fly breaks his leg,I don't think anyone else noticed but the rest of this race is gonna be painful to watch not only because my money is already gone but because the sport bores the shit out of me.To rub salt into the wounds its a two and a half lap course so after watching my horse break its leg and throw my money away at the very first fence,on the second lap there is a white curtain rail around my injured horse and as the field turns into the final straight which is the third time passing the faithful scene the stewards put him out of his misery so he is dead before the winner even crosses the line.I haven't gotten away with it,the only person who knows me at the table also knows that this is the third time Iv backed a horse which died during a race.Maybe this is a sign I should not gamble ,ever, or maybe just stick to what I know.United are playing within the hour and Rooney is always a good bet to score first,lets just hope he doesn't spontaneously combust !!
