Halloween

As most of you know I have a weird fascination with all things scary so halloween was always gonna be a drawn out affair.The 31st of October was quite enough as it was a Wednesday night and I was doing deliveries for the local pizza shop.Apart from the terror of delivering to hell where bangers are thrown at you and rockets aimed at the slightly open windows of my recently washed and sparkling car,beer cans are hurled at you from crowds gathered at bonfires,by hell I of course mean Darndale.'Who's bleedin dumb enough to deliver up here on halloween?' one guy shouts as his beer can barely misses my car. 'Every night is halloween up here fucktwat' I shout back as I spin the car into reverse and get the hell out out of there.


On the previous Thursday I went to a place in County Meath called Farmaphobia. It was my second year in a row going and to be honest I love it. It is basically a farm that is done up to scare the living bejaysus out of you with actors jumping out at every opportunity.It was bigger this year then last and is divided into 4 parts.The first stage was a bit irritating to be honest.You have to make your way through a pitch black room with just the aid of strobe lights and very loud, bad dance music.Every now and again a horrifying face would appear,it was a bit like being in a nightclub in Darndale actually.The second part was strange but turned out to be really cool.After being dropped off in a holding area a guy runs in with a chainsaw.At this point a few guys flipped out and ran from the tent leaving the girlfriend's to fend for themselves.When we left the tent the pathway was lit by only a few stakes on fire, a crashed hearse,tunnels and bridges.We could see the scares coming but it felt like we were in a real horror movie.

The zombie morgue and the house of horrors completed the tour.I have to be honest and say that at one point I was really scared.There was a room barely lit and this really small old woman came running at me screaming,i'm normally composed but it happened so fast I just panicked and tried to get out of there.The room was so dark that I struggled before finding a small hole in the wall.The old woman's voice changed from  terrifying screaming in my face to 'oh I'm sorry lovie you cant go that way',kind of ruined the moment!



On the Sunday night I was dj'ing in a club in town.It was a fancy dress party and turned out to be a really good night.I was originally going to go as a surgeon but got the bright idea to order a costume instead.I went as a midget rock star. The problem with this was that after paying 50 euro for the costume and 20 euro to get it delivered to my house it turned out that the guitar in the picture was an extra.Also the boots were PVC and the the trousers were leopard print so I actually looked like a kinky midget.I went with it anyway and it was only when I got the the door of the club one of the bouncers who I know quite well and says it how it is said to me 'Ste that's just fucking weird, take it off'. I did and changed into my surgeon clothes which are real scrubs from St James hospital (thanks Jasmine).

                                                                        kinky midget

                                                                   Me and Jasmine with scrubs

                                                                     DJ doctor awesome


The final part to my Halloween weekend was that one of my favourite horror movies was on the big screen in the IFI in the city,halloween 4 and the little girl from the movie was doing a Q+A session and signing autographs at it.I fancied her as a kid and I fancy her now.She also played Bruce Willis daughter in the last boy scout if you are not familiar with her.She sat a few rows back and watched it with us,this to me was like William Shatner watching Star Trek with a Trekkie.I had a question prepared for her and just before me some asshole asked her who would win a fight between Bruce Willis and Steven Segal,it descended into chaos after that with the questions getting dumber by the second but she laughed and had a good time.

                                                              Me and Danielle Harris

                                                                         and again

                                                   my pride and joy,signed halloween 5 dvd

The castle

Anybody that knows me will know that I am a horror fanatic.My ideal night is a takeaway and a good scary movie,no vampires,no zombies and no aliens just simple scary movies.Paranormal activity,Blair witch project and the Strangers,all my kind of horror's but tell me you have seen a spirit and you can expect a patronising smile.I just don't believe in that kind of stuff which is probably why I love scary movie's so much,well,that was until recently.

2 years ago my brother came home for a short holiday from New York where he now lives.He is like me in a lot of ways and one thing we have in common are late night drives around Dublin City.Late one night we decided to go for a drive up around Howth and stopped at Deer park castle.Along the side of the castle is a narrow road which leads by the transport museum and up to the golf course.At 2am this road is pitch black and blocked half way up by a gate where I decided to stop the car and have a cigarette.My window was rolled down and I listened to one of Colin's story's as I flicked ash from the car.

As the story went on I began to hear something in the distance but paid little attention until I heard it gradually getting louder,I asked Colin to listen as the sound of high heels in the distance suddenly became gradually louder and louder.What started off as something of amusement it became a little frightening when the sound of somebody wearing high heels came walking up and stopped right by my open window,it was dark and visibility was zero.I could feel the hair stand up on the back of my neck as I looked at Colin and rolled up the window,that right there was the longest 4 seconds of my life.I put the car in reverse and got out of there.

That story has come up several times when chatting with Colin and it never changed my opinion on spirits maybe because I think at the time I felt a nervous excitement more then anything else however there was to be another incident just a few weeks ago that was terrifying on a whole new level.I had arranged to meet up with a friend who was going through a rough time and again ended up in Deer park castle only this time we parked up in the car park at a viewing point which overlooks Dublin Bay and is one of my favourite places in the city.

It was 1.30am and the rain was torrential,my window was halfway down as I smoked a cigarette.Coincidentally I was telling Sean about the the previous time I had been here with Colin,I had heard a noise a few times but had put it down to the rain.Just as I finished the story something caught my eye just behind my door,I looked around and saw a young lady standing right beside my window,she was around 28/29 had blonde hair and was wearing a long white dress.I froze for a few seconds and turned to tell Sean,as I turned around I hesitated on telling him but it was too late.Sean had seen the figure just before me in my rear mirror and had turned a pale white,'you seen that,didn't you' he said.That confirmed that I hadn't imagined what I saw.

I tried to play it down and make a joke of it but Sean's face had an expression of pure fear,he angrily told me to bring him home to get his car.He was serious and genuinely terrified so I agreed and quickly turned the engine on.In order to leave the car park I had to drive in a circle shape to get out and as we left we took once last glance over,she was still standing there looking at us.We were both lost for words.After a few seconds I composed my self and with a very nervous laugh I asked what the hell was that? Sean did not want to talk about it and we drove home in silence.I tried to quiz him on what exactly he had seen but he would not talk about it.

It was only about a week afterwards when we were at a friends apartment for dinner that it came up again,I had already told the friend what I had seen and asked Sean to describe his version of it.He described a young lady with blonde hair wearing a white dress,my heart stopped.We have not spoke about that night since.

Mini leagues

As a kid ,every summer had something to look forward to and this came in the form of a soccer tournament for local children.For one weekend we were given the name of a soccer club or country and we played as if we represented the actual team.I entered it as a player about four times and won it once with Cadiz,a now defunct Spanish club so when I seen that they were recently looking to recruit managers for this years tournament I agreed to do it.This basically involved me setting up the goals at ridiculous o clock on a Saturday and Sunday morning,training them and making sure they had fun.

I was given Portugal,7 boys and 2 girls all under 14.Our first match was on Friday at 6.30 against Denmark.We got off to a flyer scoring 2 goals in 4 minutes and eventually ran out 4-0 winners.The Saturday turned out to be a less successful day in more ways then one.After the previous nights demolition of Denmark the organiser's insisted I swap one of my best players for a ,well , not so good player.We played Russia and lost 4-3 with the winning goal scored by the player I had swapped.

However that was not the sour point of the evening.It just happened to be 'kick rascism out of football' week and also 'respect the referee' week too.The local newspapers were here and we had just kicked off when a tackle was made by one of the black players on my team,it wasn't a dirty challenge,more clumsy but the other kid got up called him a nigger and kicked 7 shades of shite out of him right in front of the newspaper camera's.He was sent off and then proceeded to throw punches at the referee,I think he had misread the principles of the theme of the week!!

Our final match was on Sunday morning and we needed a win against Holland to reach the final.This game was played in better spirits and we ran out 4-0 winners.The final was being played at 1pm and quite a crowd turned up.I used a bit more tactical preperation for this game as I was now hell bent on winning this tournament,its all about taking part my arse I wanted to gloat and so I did when we won 4-2 against Chech republic.When the kids went up to collect their winners medals it brought me back to when I was a kid playing in these finals and one thing can be sure,this maybe the last time some of these kids win anything for football but it will only be the start of things to come for some too.

Newgrove

Up until I was 8 years old I lived in a small housing estate in Donaghmede.At that age places are not rough or posh,maybe they are but you don't notice.I have some really great memories from Newgrove but the place was strange.I can't quite put my finger on why it was strange,it just was,and all my memories seem to be random and don't make any sense.

I remember when I started school ,I  hated it.It wasn't the other kids that bullied me it was the teachers.On one weekly test I did so bad I even manged to spell my name wrong and the teacher insisted on telling the whole class in front of me.Everybody was laughing at me even Bobby,he sat behind me and was wearing my spare trousers because he had pissed himself earlier that day,even he laughed at me.

Every Saturday morning was the same,I followed my older brother around all morning until he ran away from me.I had my own friends,Connor lived next door .His mother was involved in a long running feud with her neighbour over a tree and every week they would have a fist fight out on the street,when this happened Connor would go inside and make sugar sandwiches.Graham lived beside Connor and was the son of the other woman involved in the feud.I always felt for him because at least once a week he had to witness his mother getting beaten up on the street.

Vincent lived in the next house after that and his mother was in and out of the mental asylum every week.He was weird.Linda lived in the corner house and usually went to the toilet in her back garden,this became natural to me.Then there was Alan White,I don't know how I knew Alan or why he was my friend but I fancied his older sister and her boob was the first one I'd ever seen.

Alot of weird things went on in that estate from Klu Klux Klan rituals,caravans shot at,religious groups,deaths and affairs,It was strange and weird but I loved it.We ended up moving two miles down the road but I often grab a coffee and drive down to look around.

I'm writing this from my desk in work where I teach 3rd level maths.I heard my old teacher had a nervous breakdown and retired early,FUCK YOU MISS HUGHES !!!

IQ test

I came across a pretty pointless debate on yahoo regarding who had the higher IQ ,it doesn't suprise me why these two people were the intelligence in question

                                                                  Dolly Parton

                                                                    Pamela Anderson


I give you my candidate.........

                                                                     Lola Ferrari

Things I hate

wind
nicholas cage
Irish politics
Ironing
pitbull
topgear
phil coulter
jam
harry potter
medal of honour
phonecalls
rude people
loud people
small change
tin foil
headaches
akon
boybands
girlbands
annoying confident people
skinny jeans
taxi drivers
indian food
holyhead
building sites
whiskey
sweet and sour sauce
carrots
emo's
nail clippers

chick flicks

Just a little something I'v noticed from chick flicks over the years.....

Rose cheats on her boyfriend/fiance with Jack which makes her a whore

In 'Pretty woman', Julia Roberts is a prostitute,this makes her a whore

In 'Bridget Jones's diary' she is sleeping with 2 men,this makes her a whore

In 'The wedding singer' Drew Barrymore is already engaged when she kisses Adam Sandler,this makes her a dirty whore

In 'Indecent proposal' Demi Moore sleeps with a guy for 1 million dollars.....WHORE